According to BPS Research Digest, “Loneliness not only feels bad, experts have characterized it as a disease that increases the risk of a range of physical and psychological disorders.” I do agree that loneliness feels bad and that it could increase the risk of physical and psychological disorders. The thing I have a problem with is that it is being characterized as a disease. To me, that sounds like a bunch of nonsense.
Main Cause of Loneliness
Loneliness has increased over the years and one of the reasons it has, has been due to the rise of technology. With the rise of technology, especially social media platforms and smartphones, people are allowed to contact others from anywhere in the world. This has made communication much easier for people that do not have time to meet up with someone or that is far away. However, it does come with a huge cost. Less face-to-face interaction!
Things definitely have changed from 10-20 years ago. Back then, you saw kids outside playing games with each other, hanging out at the park, and being active. This allowed them to gain valuable social skills that can be used wherever they go. Nowadays, that interaction is gone. Need to make friends? There’s an app for that. Unable to find love and would like to start dating, but unsure on how to start? There’s an app for that. There’s basically an app for everything that required face-to-face interaction, which promotes loneliness.
The Social Media Effect
Eventually when people use these kinds of apps, there’s going to be a point in time where you decide to meet in person, which poses many challenges. You meet up for the first time and you’re unaware of how they would act in person. Let’s face it, it is much easier to communicate the kind of person you’d like to be viewed on the internet. What the person you’re seeing doesn’t realize is that you’re really shy in person and doesn’t like to engage in social situations. You are quiet and unsure on what to say because you already know 80% about them before coming into contact for the first time. You’re unsure on what social cues you should send to the other person and cannot tell what kind you should be receiving.
After all is said and done, if it went well, you would make a plan to see each other again. If it doesn’t go well, then you will never hear from them again. That’s how life goes. You will still have that thought of uncertainty whether or not if they truly liked and accepted you for who you were. They might have liked you better on the internet, who knows? You will never know if they are talking to other people online and if they find them more enjoyable to talk and interact with than you.
Social media is not as bad as I am portraying it, but it has created an environment where people are glued to their phones. They like the result of things instead of enduring the process that comes with it. People will know more about you than you could ever imagine and the people that lack social skills will suffer. The people that do suffer will try to find those that are similar to them, but the problem is that the people they find are from social media. Once they log off of social media and face their day, they have no one to be around and interact with. This begins the cycle of loneliness where depression starts. The truth is: we know much more people on social media than we do in person, but we have better relationships with the people we know personally.
Relationships on Social Media: Digital vs. Reality
How many of your friends on social media do you actually know in person? Like 5%? 10%? Less? My guess is that the number is not that big and if it is, I have another question for you. How many of those friends have you interacted with in the past year? I bet that number you had just dropped by 50%. Having 80-90% of “online” friends while only having 10-20% “real” friends does not sound very appealing. In fact, having more friends online can do a lot of harm to your mental health.
Most studies would disagree with me as they find that there is a correlation between friendship and happiness. The problem I have with these studies is that, they don’t take many factors into account when analyzed. They don’t pay attention how long the person is on social media, how popular their friends are, and how often they compare themselves to others on social media. We’ve all seen someone’s post on social media and thought “they have such an amazing life, why can’t mine be like that.” I have an example using Instagram.
Digital Relationships
John has 1,500 followers on Instagram and everyday he gains 10 followers. He posts at least 1 picture and 1 story everyday while going live once a week. His pictures typically get 500 likes and 800 people view his story. One day, John decided to travel to Hawaii for the weekend and he thought it would be a great idea to take pictures and share his experience with his audience. Unfortunately for him, he lost his phone while on the plane. He had no access to social media for a few days.
John was freaking out, but eventually calmed down and enjoyed his trip. When he got back home, he rushed to his computer to check Instagram. He saw that he lost 100 followers, due to inactivity. John decided that he wants those followers back, so he spends the next two weeks posting pictures and reaching out to others. The problem, however, is that he neglected his close friends by doing this. They ask him to hang out at the beach, he says no. They ask him if they can come over to his house. He says no! His friends give up on him and told him that they do not want to be his friend anymore.
John didn’t seem to mind once he got his followers back. Soon after, he acts as he did before and wanted to chill with his friends. He realizes that he doesn’t have his friends anymore and becomes depressed. He reaches out to Instagram, but none of them personally knows him.
Reality
That might have sounded like a bit of an extreme example, but they’re some aspects that we all can relate to. We’ve all been out somewhere with a friend and begin to take out our phones to check what’s on social media. Going somewhere interesting? Post it on social media. Having a good time? Post it on social media. Get off of social media and enjoy life. If you can’t do that, then at least reduce your time on social media. For the most part, it makes you feel worse and like you’re not even living. Keep your real friends close to you. They are the ones that will be there for you when you’re at your worst. If they aren’t available at the moment, take some time and enjoy being alone. Remember, being alone is not the same as being lonely.
