This topic immediately rushed into my head when I was taking some time to think about the last week. A lot has happened, but my mental health is solid. A lot of thoughts have entered my head, but it doesn’t affect how I feel about myself overall.
This was very strange to me because when really big events happen, I take a huge effect on it. However, as I’ve been working on my mental health journey, I’ve had a different outlook on life and the world in general. One outlook is internal while the other one is external.
World Outlook (Internal)
For those that are mental health professionals, you may have this outlook as well. The outlook that I am referring to is based on how the world really is. Focusing on nature and your surroundings instead of all of the events that are going on in the world. This outlook stems from the concept of “internal locus of control“, which means that you believe the events that happen to you is in your control.
That means not really paying attention to external events that people inadvertently internalize. Let me give you an example. Think of politics and everything that’s been going on the past few years. When Trump was elected, people were irritated and furious. It makes sense because of all the claims that he proposed which offended people. In fact, there were many things that I didn’t like about him, but I never got angry when he won the presidency. Trust me when I say this, I KNEW that he was going to win that year. I even believe that he will win the upcoming election even though he was impeached.
The point is not about whether I’m right or wrong. The point I’m trying to make is about the mindset that I have. This stems from the “positive mindset” that I was talking about in my eBook.
Positive Mindset
The positive mindset was the mindset where you’re consciously aware of what’s going on and how you feel, so you can take action towards the feeling that you want. In simpler terms, it means to try and see the positive in every situation.
It means to realize that a lot of negative things are going to happen in your life, but it’s how you look at those things that matter.
Reality Outlook (External)
Most people operate on the other side of the world, which I call reality. It makes sense as to why people operate on this side. On this side, most if not all events are internalized even if it’s external. This outlook stems from the term “external locus of control“, which means that you believe events that happen in your life is outside of your control.
Let me give you some scenarios and you tell me which way you’d look at it.
Which Side Are You On?
First scenario: Let’s say that you just got home after a long day of work. You’re exhausted, so you just want to lay in bed for the rest of the night. Before you can hop into bed, you get a call from your boss. Your boss sounds furious and you come to realize that you forgot to clock out. You don’t mean to forget, but it happens from time to time. However, it’s your third strike and your boss fires you on the spot.
How would you react in this situation?
- A: Get upset and feel like everything is your fault. Dwell on this situation for a while and take quite some time to get back on your feet.
- B: Realize that what happened sucks and try to move on. Start to create a plan of action and work towards that plan (getting a new job, asking around to see if anyone at friend’s job is hiring, etc.)
Second scenario: Let’s say that you were at a social gathering with your friends and one of them gets into a conflict with you. It was about your beliefs and your friend thought that it was absurd.
How would you react in this situation?
- A: Get upset with your friend, take it personally, and decide to not talk to them anymore. You felt offended and like they weren’t a true friend because of it.
- B: Tries to understand where your friend is coming from and to see it from their point of view. You’re not offended because it wasn’t a significant event that happened.
Last Scenario: Let’s say that you were on a date with this attractive man/woman and you were running 30 minutes late. The reason you were late because your shirt is ruined since you were sweating.
How would you react in this situation?
- A: See the situation as a missed opportunity, but realize that they’re more opportunities where you can shine. You feel a little embarrassed, but you explain what happened and get ready from that point.
- B: Get upset because you messed things up with this person and feel like there will never be another opportunity like that. You start talking negatively about yourself and get in a rut.
External vs. Internal
Out of these three situations, what was your reaction to them? Let’s take a look at the first one. If you put A for the first one, you are operating on the reality outlook, which is external. You are putting too much value on the situation, even though it is pretty significant.
If you put B for the first one, you are operating on the world outlook, which is internal. You realize that the event that you’re just in was terrible and that you did not do it on purpose. It was simply a mistake that you can learn from.
The second scenario is the same as the first one. Option A would be the reality outlook while option B would be the world outlook. You always want to look for the positive in every situation.
The third scenario is quite different. Most people would fall under option B, which isn’t that bad when you look at it. This is typically what people do when they get over a relationship or believe that they had the chance to get who they were looking for.
Even though most people fall under this option, it is the wrong option. Option A would be the best choice because you believe that there will be more opportunities coming your way. You are hopeful for the future and can see the positive in that.
Conclusion
Think of the reality outlook as external, meaning that you see everything on the outside. You take things personally and attribute that to the world. This is where negative thoughts start to arise and can quickly get you in a rut.
Ideally, you would want to be in the world outlook which is internal. You are seeking and looking for the positive in every situation. You may have made a mistake or let an opportunity pass you by, but you learn from them.
Since you don’t take these external events personally, you are able to see them for what they are. You are able to bounce back and still feel good about yourself even though something bad happens.
