Just think about the title of this blog post for a minute. You might think “well duh, that is obvious”. If you think that it is obvious, did you know that there are stages to this? In fact, there are three stages to this and not everyone goes through the same route. People only experience one stage per relationship and that stage is different every time you get into a new relationship. When I say relationships, I am referring to romantic relationships and friendships. After every relationship you go through, you feel different. Your self-worth is not the same as it was when you just got into the relationship. You don’t value yourself as much as you did when you first got into the relationship. It all depends on what stage your self-worth and value changes.
3 Stages
The 3 simple stages that I am referring to is: before, during, and after a relationship. Let’s be honest with ourselves and state that no one is ever the same person after going through a relationship. The same goes for friendships as no one wants to keep a toxic person in their life for the long-term. Each stage is different and in some occasions, people might go through two stages instead of one stage regarding their self-worth and value. Let’s take a closer look at each of the stages, so you guys have a clear understanding of what I am talking about.
Before a Relationship
For some people, their self-worth and value is at an all time low and for many reasons. Some people find it really hard to get into a relationship. They may feel like they are unattractive because no one interacts with them. Boring or lacking good personality traits because they find it difficult to relate to others. Shy even because they are afraid of talking to other people, since they lack social and communication skills. Maybe they are just an introvert? Who knows? All I am saying is that these people have a hard time finding quality relationships and maintaining them. With these types of people, their relationships aren’t that good and most of them are short-lived.
Why do you think they have dating apps and social media? Dating apps making it easier for those who have a hard time finding someone in person. The reason why it is so much easier is because these apps eliminate any in person interaction. That interaction of walking up to someone and stroking a conversation with them. Even the most important interaction, which is introducing yourself for the first time. You can still do those things, but they do not have the same feeling to it.
These apps are great for these types of people, but it greatly affects their self-worth and value. With these apps, your self-worth and value is based on how well you do or how many matches you get. Are you gonna have high value for yourself if you don’t get a response from your first message? Are you gonna have high self-worth for yourself if you don’t get any matches? No! No at all! It’s gonna make you feel much worse about yourself.
That’s why dating apps are bad for people to use in my opinion. These people typically try much harder to get in a relationship and maintain it because it is so difficult for them. In this stage, it is best for you not to think or care about being in a relationship. According to WiRE,
“Having a healthy sense of self worth improves the quality of your relationship.” Just focus on yourself and enjoy the people that you do have at the moment. Trust me, it will benefit you in the long run. Don’t think of the short-term goal! Think of the long-term process.
During a Relationship
Ever been in a toxic relationship? Trust me, it happens to all of us at some point in our lives. Have you ever tried ending the relationship for yourself? It can be hard doing that because you tend to care more about not hurting the other person instead of yourself. According to Psychology Today,
“Low self-esteem can make you test or sabotage relationships that have potential, or settle for relationships in which you’re treated in a way that matches your beliefs about yourself.”
This is basically saying that you have more value for them than your actual self and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a kind thing to do, but not all of the time. You could be that person that would never end a relationship because you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. For example, your friend is annoying and driving you crazy, but you don’t want to be that person to tell them that.
Your self-worth and value goes down when you stay in a relationship and you know there is nothing that you can do to improve it. Why are you staying there? Do you feel like not letting go? I can say that I definitely was in this stage with my last relationship. As each day went by, I started hating myself more and more. My self-worth and value was diminishing at an accelerated pace, but I didn’t know what to do at that point. I eventually ended the relationship, but it took me much longer to get through it and revert back to my normal self. The longer you wait to get out of the relationship, the longer you’re gonna feel bad about yourself.
There’s the possibility that you’re the main cause of the relationship being toxic. All I’m trying to say is that relationships change how you feel about yourself. Sometimes the feeling is positive, where you have high self-worth and value. Sometimes the feeling is negative, where you have low self-worth and value. If you feel like things aren’t going well, then it is time to get out of the relationship. It is best for you to do what’s best for you. Don’t settle for less. You know what you need and value in a relationship.
After a Relationship
This one is very similar to the previous stage as your self-worth and value can change from positive to negative and vice-versa. If you are the person that is jumping for joy after a relationship has ended, then your self-worth and value is positive. The opposite can be said if you are the person that feel terrible after the relationship ended. You feel like you’re in a slump for months trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship. You might say to yourself “what could I’ve done to make things work out between the two of us?” The truth is: it is a good thing that relationships end. If it didn’t, we would never find someone that was potentially better for us.
You would never find your “soulmate” even though soulmates don’t exist in my opinion. There’s always someone out there that is more suited for you than the person that you were in a relationship with. Just think about the millions and billions of people around the world that you haven’t met. You don’t think that one of them are a better match for you than the people you have right now? You’d never know the answer. It could be a blessing in disguise that your relationship ended. Don’t see it as a bad thing. See it as a positive thing, as a learning lesson about yourself.
Your Self-Worth & Value
Remember, that you are living your life and not other people living it for you. Why let others dictate how you feel about yourself? If you have friends that aren’t the best for your self-worth and value, end them. You don’t have to do it harshly, but be direct to them. You don’t have any hard feelings between them, but it’s best if you guys part ways. People come and go in our lives all of the time and for some, it takes longer than others to get over it.
Think of it as a long-term process. What you feel about yourself changes as live goes on. It is important to make sure that that feeling is positive most of the time. It’s inevitable that we are going to have moments where we feel bad about ourselves. Only we can make ourselves feel better and minimize that negative feeling as much as possible.
