Having a relationship with someone that has mental health issues is like going on a rollercoaster. There are a lot of ups and downs you go through and when it’s over, you want to do something else.
My relationships were always short-lived because I didn’t know exactly what I was doing or we weren’t a good fit but tried it out anyway. Another thing I would like to point out would be that, I was dealing with mental health issues in the relationship as well. I was just the one that was more stable and able to control my thoughts and emotions.
There are two relationships that I’m going to describe, so you can get an idea on what it’s like being in a relationship with someone that has mental health issues.
The First Relationship
The first relationship was a very short one. I have the relationship style where I like to get to know the person for a long time before I commit to a relationship.
We have been friends for a few years and decided to go out. Just to make a quick note here: she had been through a lot of mental health issues. She has had terrible relationships with other people, been depressed for many years, and truly hated herself her whole life.
There were people that came up to me and warned me about being in a relationship with her. They told me that she didn’t know what she was doing and that she was going to hurt me.
I didn’t listen to them because they did not know her as long as I did. The thing was that my friends saw what she did to other people she was in a relationship with.
Attention-Seeking
She really likes having the center of attention. Her parents never really cared about her and she did not have a lot of friends. Being in a serious relationship made her feel like she was loved and that someone truly cared for her.
I understood all of this, so that’s why I didn’t listen to anyone. I felt good and truly believed that this relationship would last, even though we both didn’t have the best mental health.
Let me tell you…. I was wrong big time.
The relationship was very short and it ended with her breaking up with me for absolutely no reason. She told me that it was too soon for us to be in a relationship and that she wasn’t over her old boyfriend.
The ironic thing was that she told me a day later that she was seeing someone else. It was too soon for me but not for someone else. Everything revolves back to attention-seeking and validation.
Validation
She sought attention from me which validated her existence and made her feel good about herself. On the other hand, the attention wasn’t enough and she needed more because one person was not enough for her to feel validated.
As for me, I felt rejected and completely tossed to the side. It never felt like a relationship, but more of an experiment. I was tested to see how good I could make her feel and once the scores came back, I was gone.
It was the first time I’ve ever experienced something like that, which understands why I didn’t take it so well. My friends were there to support me and I soon got over it.
I wish I could say the next relationship went better, but in reality, it didn’t. In fact, it wasn’t even close. This relationship was way longer than the first one.
The Second Relationship
We’ve known each other for years and we started talking again. It turns out that we both had an interest in each other, so I asked her out and things went on from there.
Things went really slowly in the beginning and I kind of liked it that way. Just as another heads up, she went through the same things as the girl in the first relationship, so nothing is really different.
There was one problem that I had in the relationship. Things were going way too slow and there was no progression at all. Every day felt like the very first day of the relationship. I eventually put that aside and didn’t focus on that too much.
Another thing about our relationship was that texting was our main source of communication. There was no call, face time, or hanging out. Whenever we texted, it was always one-sided.
Role Reversal
I showed a lot of interest by seeing how she was doing and trying to engage in meaningful conversations, but she didn’t. Every text message was short and had no substance.
It was like she didn’t care about me or as if I didn’t exist. All of our conversations were about nothing or me helping her feel better because something happened to her (validation).
I didn’t mind helping her, but I wasn’t involved in any of the topics. If I ever felt bad, I knew that going to her wasn’t really going to help me, so I just didn’t say anything. It was getting to the point of 100% dependency.
What I mean by this is that I could not have one day where I did not talk to her. If I didn’t text her, she felt sad and thought I didn’t care about her anymore. It was like I was trapped in a corner with no way out. As each day went on, she got happier and happier, while I felt worse.
The feeling of helping her out with her problems was good, but it started to take a toll on my mental health. I was starting to become depressed, which I didn’t want at all. It felt more like a friendship than a relationship. It even felt like I was a therapist and she was my client.
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I ended the relationship.
Summary
- Relationships felt more like friendships
- There was no equity in the relationship
- Initially, you feel good, but as the relationship continues you feel worse
- Your mental health goes down
- A role reversal takes place
- You feel really guilty if you cut out the relationship
- The person with mental health problems will stay with you
